Mr. President, you have the wrong number

Uh Oh. If I was the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, I might want to get out of town real soon or preferably out of the country. Maybe even hitch a ride on one of Elon Musk’s rockets and cool it in outer space for a while.

The marble girl

It’s no secret – in fact, it’s becoming “fabled” pretty quickly – that Tink and I come from worlds as far apart as Mars and Jupiter.

Reading about illness can make you sick

I feel anxious telling you this because I fear you will be depressed when you hear it, but you and I seem to be a bunch of hypochondriacs. I have received a study from MEDvidi. com, an online mental health treatment center in California that deals with conditions like, well, anxiety and depression.

The homeless

It was many winters ago in Washington, D.C., that I saw my first homeless person. He was lying over a warm vent atop the Metro train. Behind him, across the street, the Washington Monument stood gloriously bathed in light.

Supporting your hometown business

Something happened recently that reminded me, strongly, of why I have always supported locally- owned businesses.I grew up in a rural town where we had a Sears, J.C. Penney, and a Belk. Every other business in town was owned by local folks. I knew most of them.

Remembering the Centennial Olympic Park bombing

Trivia Question: Where were you at 1:40 a.m. on July 27, 1996? You are forgiven if you don’t remember 29 years ago, but I can tell you where I was. Asleep. Very asleep.It was the midpoint of the 1996 Centennial Olympic Games.

Ending a bad dye job

Colorful candies and cereals, cheese slices brighter than the color of any real cheese, mac n’ cheese without any real dairy, these are the food staples of my childhood and adolescence.And now, though still standing, I’m also battling a highly aggressive form of colon cancer.

Jay, the good shepherd

It is conventional wisdom that you should never do business with family. And, for the most part, that is probably true. Unless that family member is an honorable, God-fearing man like the one that my niece, Nicole, was wise enough to marry and bring into our family.

Junior not bugged by polling firm’s snub

I run for reelection every week. Even though the editors appreciate the fact that I am a dead ringer for a young Brad Pitt and occasionally I’m correct on the difference between affect and effect, they want eyeballs right where you happen to be looking at this moment.

The intelligence quotient

Tink was in his office, supposedly, working. We both have home offices because we are both writers and work from home. I am a serious writer who composes prose for books and this column.You would be surprised how much harder it is to write this column of 650 words than it is to write an entire book.